My stats (and just about everything about this blog) were unfortunately very lackluster in 2013, but with some very specific goals in mind (perhaps by not using “very” twice in the same sentence) 2014 will be bangin’ for “F*ck You.” Expect some big things if I have anything to say about it.
Cheers to a great 2014!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 7,200 times in 2013. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.
Click here to see the complete report.
So, today I had to take the day off in order to have my availability fully open to pick up Hanz from the local Renaissance festival in “Browne’s Addition.” He was very adamant about going to said festival and of course Hanz has yet to receive his driver’s license or learner’s permit even though I’ve practically thrown the DOL guide at him for months now. Inevitably I just piss off a ferret who already has anger issues and is the size of a primordial skunk. More often than not I get a pissed soaked, shredded DOL guide discretely hidden amongst my items…usually in my sock drawer or if I particularly make him angry in my lunch bag for work…
Nevertheless, in my slight fear of my ferret I ended up spending my Sunday waiting for a cell phone call with a picture of a ferret in a jester’s cap to pop up on my cell phone screen.
After many wasted hours with my friend Mr. Mario, a couple of Cajun Top-Ramens, and a pint of my gorilla’s homemade beer from his closet of solitude distillery I ramshackle my way out to my ’93 protegé Johnny and sauntered my ass up to Coeur d’Alene park to pick Hanz from his afternoon of ye old jestering. Before I even reached the fringe of the park I see an angry mob of ye old peasants chasing after a tan ferret clutching his jester hat with a sad but still attached tail tucked between his well toned ferret buttocks. As I coasted by in 2nd, I reached over, popped open the passenger door, and a scared but fully aware ferret clawed his way in, slammed his door, and pulled his lap belt over his jester cod piece and plummage.
I tried asking him what had happen, but all I could gather between his labor breaths were the phrases, “bosomed wench” and “bad idea.”
I’m sure he’ll tell me once I loosen him up with a keg or two of malicious gorilla’s fine home spun brew, but till then only mopey ferret’s fellow renaissance patrons and a letter from the courts will know what happened that fateful Sunday afternoon….
You know what I’m tired of…? The man that’s fuckin’ who. Every time anyone catches a break or their dreams start to unfold before them it seems as if someone or some organization shoots ‘em down. So, as I sit here with my frizzled out curly locks, listening to a little Eminem, thinking of what I most desire out of the future I’ve come to a conclusion…that I’m taking my life back. I am living the life that I want God damn it, and fuck everyone else. I want to write, and write is what I shall do. Screw anyone who tells/told me that I couldn’t/can’t do it.
I remember being a little kid and having my own grandmother tell me that I couldn’t go to an Ivy League University because I wasn’t intelligent enough…what the fuck!? What kind of grandmother tells that to their own grandson…a bad one that’s the answer! I was never close to her, but God damn did that one-liner stung deep. My parents on the other hand have had my back since birth and the only thing that has ever held me back…is well…me.
So, as the world crumbles and is in its current state of transition I am takin’ a stand and doing what I want to do. I’ve been diligently working on my novel, and this blog will be my immediate writer gratification. I don’t even care if anyone reads it as long as it’s here it’ll make me happy and give me the juice to get the word-a-flowin’. As for ‘you’ get off your ass and do what you want to do…fuck the man…fuck the people in your life that have ever brought you down, and get-‘er-done!
Now, as my ramblings have come full circle, I am going ‘click’ the submit button, and wander off into the ether of the inter-tubes, so remember kids…be good…and go out and kick some ass bitches!
Anthony ‘Mc-Fuckin’ Schultz