So, my roommate and I have decided to capture a gorilla, lock him in our hallway closet, and use him to fill water balloons with urine, so that we may humiliate the obnoxious neighbors that seem to think it’s ‘rad’ to throw loud parties on a Wednesday night at 2am…when I and/or my roommate have to work at four or five in the morning at the Safe.
Alas, we came up with the idea of the gorilla, but we then needed a secondary creature to keep the gorilla in line because I mean come on it’s a several hundred pound beast residing in the confines of a third story apartment building…he’s bound to get ‘up-ity.’
So, while my girlfriend and I were out one day meandering through the local pet stores and what not we came across the largest man-ferret that I have ever seen! And, then it dawned on me…Brad (my roommate) and I will buy him, train in psychological warfare, name him Hanz, and provide him with a 1940’s British bully club…that way if the said gorilla gets ‘up-ity’ the ferret can knock him back in place, plus if a burglar breaks into our humble abode who the hell in their right mind is going to take on a 30-lb ferret named Hanz wielding an antique bully club!?
This plan sounds fool-proof, and don’t worry folks the gorilla was treated with the up most respect and care as allowed under the Geneva convention.