My Ferret, Hanz, has Decided to Unionize


As you may know I and my roommate Brad have recently purchased a Ferret, that we have faithfully named Hanz, that is the ‘guardian’ of our urine producing gorilla…well, it seems as if Hanz is quite upset with his absurdly low wage as well as his poor healthcare and retirement benefit packages, and has thus in his anger decided to unionize.

He’s spent the last few evenings within’ the closet of solitude devising logos, Powerpoint presentations, and false statistics to create a long and winded history of what he has dubbed the ‘Ferret Uniter for Caring Koalas,” more commonly known by their simplistic, yet profane acronym.

(Also, as an aside Hanz has the education of a 2nd Grader and therefore doesn’t realize that he is harboring a malicious gorilla, instead of a caring koala but that is besides the point)

He has now gone so far as to rent a venue for his union hearings in which he scurries to and fro from the podium in which he addresses the audience (himself) and the audience seats in which he poses questions about the union that he already knows the answer to.

As amusing as this is to me his ‘quality’ time with gorilla has immensely diminished, which greatly upsets me as his employer, so in a similar fit of rage that caused him to start his union, F.U.C.K., I burned his premises to the ground and pretended to make an insurance payout to him via mail fraud thus solving the whole debacle.

The moral of the story don’t underpay or undercut your ferrets…they’re likely to get testy.

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